Forgive the absurdity of the following. It was 4am and I felt inspired by my next door neighbor who had been listening to talk radio since three :)
Paper Wall
Thank you, dear stranger
Who's life sounds, through
Our shared wall bring
To my attention the
Sacrament of grey light
And shadow, before sun king
Rebels against the power
Of the crescent moon.
Thank you, dear neighbor
Whom I never see
Yet know your voice
Made familiar by intervals
Of eavesdropped chatter
And midnight mumblings.
From you learned I
The art of hearing.
Thank you, dear friend
For calling to mindfulness
My slumbering senses.
I could have missed
Without your aid the
Eternal, ethereal conversation
Of birds, too sacred
For the hours of day.
Thank you, and thanks
Again. To you
I Owe more than
Raccoon eyes at breakfast,
When he asks how I've slept. To
You, I owe
My wakeful senses.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Anam
I love Gaelic. It is the most beautiful and captivating language I have ever heard. One of my favorite authors, John O'Donohue (an Irishman of course), says of Gaelic that it is "...such a poetic and powerful language, it carries the Irish memory." Imagine it! A language, something so intangible yet so powerful and real that it can hold within itself the memory of a people. The ancient memory of the Irish people is cradled in the Gaelic language. How cool is that?
Though I don't speak Gaelic, there are a few words I have learned since my time in Ireland. One of my favorites is Anam, meaning soul. In the Celtic understanding, the soul is not something that resides in the physical body (the 'clay' body), rather the clay body resides in the presence of the soul. The light of the soul envelopes the body, shining through it. This might be the most beautiful picture of how the spirit of God enfolds us daily, by being present in our soul. The presence of God is not in us, rather it is engulfing us. It's not a little flame that lives inside us so much as it's a fire that surrounds us. That sounds kinda awesome to me...
Though I don't speak Gaelic, there are a few words I have learned since my time in Ireland. One of my favorites is Anam, meaning soul. In the Celtic understanding, the soul is not something that resides in the physical body (the 'clay' body), rather the clay body resides in the presence of the soul. The light of the soul envelopes the body, shining through it. This might be the most beautiful picture of how the spirit of God enfolds us daily, by being present in our soul. The presence of God is not in us, rather it is engulfing us. It's not a little flame that lives inside us so much as it's a fire that surrounds us. That sounds kinda awesome to me...
Monday, March 19, 2012
the crickets have the answer
A chorus of bugs murmur outside my house, their voices floating in through our screen door. The sun set hours ago and as hard as I have tried, I can't focus on homework. A question plays in my head, like a broken record that repeats the same scrap of melody over and over....What are you doing Lord? I really don't get it...what are you doing? The night answers in wordless bug song and guitar strumming filters through a closed door...look about you. take stock. watch me...and wait.
I am a planner. I like making 'To Do' lists every day, sometimes separate lists for each part of the day. I have separate lists of homework for each class, lists for free time, lists for grocery shopping, lists for paying bills and doing my budget. Lists for long-term and short-term life goals, lists of books to read, and my favorite, a bucket list. I do not like living without a plan. Just to clarify, in the end it doesn't bother me if the plan changes (my plans usually do. mostly because Jesus thinks He has a better idea. And let's face it, He's always right.) I like having a plan to give me direction so I can move forward in what I feel is an efficient manner. And I expect my plan to get blown to smithereens at some point. I am OK with this. This is a system I understand.
Pondering the age old question of life post-college, it seemed reasonable to make a plan. Nothing big, just a little something to help me not freak out over the blank slate of the future. So I started concocting a plan....until that still small voice said stop. wait, what? but I like plans. Plans are good for me. They keep from getting stuck in ruts. That's good, right? no. but-- no buts. stop. What do I do without a plan? you don't need one. i got this. just watch me. don't make a plan.
This was a new experience for me. Usually I make my little plan, start walking and He gives me a shove in whatever direction I am supposed to go. Now though, it seems God has a new tactic. Whatever is coming, I feel like it's going to be more than a shove can guide me through. So when asked the question (and it's asked often), the conversation goes something like this:
person: so, what are your plans after graduation?
me: I don't have a plan. Jesus said I'm not allowed.
person: *insert blank stare*
I desperately want to make a plan. But I won't. For some reason that I do not see or comprehend, God is asking me to trust in His faithfulness. He is faithful. He provides for the crickets outside my door and how much more will he provide for me? I have no idea what is coming. Wether it's a wild adventure on the other side of the globe or simply ordinary days spent pursuing the lover of my soul, I am getting excited. I am terrified because I do not understand. And I am excited, because I do not have to.
I am a planner. I like making 'To Do' lists every day, sometimes separate lists for each part of the day. I have separate lists of homework for each class, lists for free time, lists for grocery shopping, lists for paying bills and doing my budget. Lists for long-term and short-term life goals, lists of books to read, and my favorite, a bucket list. I do not like living without a plan. Just to clarify, in the end it doesn't bother me if the plan changes (my plans usually do. mostly because Jesus thinks He has a better idea. And let's face it, He's always right.) I like having a plan to give me direction so I can move forward in what I feel is an efficient manner. And I expect my plan to get blown to smithereens at some point. I am OK with this. This is a system I understand.
Pondering the age old question of life post-college, it seemed reasonable to make a plan. Nothing big, just a little something to help me not freak out over the blank slate of the future. So I started concocting a plan....until that still small voice said stop. wait, what? but I like plans. Plans are good for me. They keep from getting stuck in ruts. That's good, right? no. but-- no buts. stop. What do I do without a plan? you don't need one. i got this. just watch me. don't make a plan.
This was a new experience for me. Usually I make my little plan, start walking and He gives me a shove in whatever direction I am supposed to go. Now though, it seems God has a new tactic. Whatever is coming, I feel like it's going to be more than a shove can guide me through. So when asked the question (and it's asked often), the conversation goes something like this:
person: so, what are your plans after graduation?
me: I don't have a plan. Jesus said I'm not allowed.
person: *insert blank stare*
I desperately want to make a plan. But I won't. For some reason that I do not see or comprehend, God is asking me to trust in His faithfulness. He is faithful. He provides for the crickets outside my door and how much more will he provide for me? I have no idea what is coming. Wether it's a wild adventure on the other side of the globe or simply ordinary days spent pursuing the lover of my soul, I am getting excited. I am terrified because I do not understand. And I am excited, because I do not have to.
Monday, March 5, 2012
may the clay dance
This speaks so strongly to my soul, I just had to share it!
On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.
And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.
~John O'Donohue, Beannacht, Echoes of Memory
On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.
And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.
~John O'Donohue, Beannacht, Echoes of Memory
Sunday, February 26, 2012
lay it down
Last year, a dear friend handed me a beautiful handcrafted card with 1 John 3:16 written on the front.
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (1 john 3:16)
Sounds great, right? Lay down your life for your friends and they will lay down their lives for you, right? Wrong. Jesus never promised our friends would lay down their live in return. He just command us to lay ours down. Not because we get loved back, not because they will get down in the mud to help us up. Just love them. Lay down your life. Every day, no exceptions. Because it is good, it brings glory to God. And it is beautiful.
I believed I knew the cost of giving my life to Christ, that I understood how to lay down my life for my friends...turns out, I had no idea. Several weeks ago, God asked me to do the one thing I had promised myself I never would and with tears of frustration and pain running down my face, I asked my roommate Ally how much more he was going to ask of me, how much of me was me going to take? Her response? "All of it." She was right (she always is). Every day, he asks me to lay down my life. A little more of my pride, more of my selfishness, more of my trust. He wants it all and i'm slowly giving ground. But I do not give it easily or with a purity of heart or willingness of spirit.
I am selfish and independent to a fault. This makes following Christ difficult. It creates war in my soul. I give up a little bit more of myself each day, but not until i've fought for it. I fight because it hurts to let go of my pride and my selfishness and my independence. But I must. I have to lay down my life because it is right, because it is good. I do not want to, but Jesus said it does not matter. Do it anyway. The last few days He has clearly (and repeatedly) told me, "Just be okay with it" I don't have to like it, but I have to accept it, to be okay with it.
Jesus said, My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command....You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other. (john 15:12-14, 16&17)
Did you catch that? He said it twice: Love each other. He didn't say to love because we'd be loved in return, he didn't say to lay our lives down for our friends because they would do the same for us. There is no promise that the loving will be easy or fun or instantly gratifying. Jesus commands us to love. because He chose us and appointed us to love in His name. So maybe it's alright if I don't want to, so long as I do as he commands. Maybe it's alright if i'm not willing, so long as i'm simply okay with it. Maybe it's about obedience, not about my feelings.
I want to be willing, to love my brothers & sisters when the opportunity arises. But right now, it is often a struggle. Now don't get me wrong, I love to love on my brothers and sisters. Most of the time it is easy. I desire to love them, to encourage them. And they love & encourage me in return. But not always. And this is the lesson I am learning. That I still must chose to love them, even when it does not seem to matter. Even when my choice to be loving towards them is ignored, or misconstrued, or un-accepted, or looked on with suspicion. It is more important to obey than to be loved back.
This is my command: Love each other.
It's not about how you feel, it's about how you choose to act.
We ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
Every day is a choice.
This is my command: Love each other.
What will you choose?
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (1 john 3:16)
Sounds great, right? Lay down your life for your friends and they will lay down their lives for you, right? Wrong. Jesus never promised our friends would lay down their live in return. He just command us to lay ours down. Not because we get loved back, not because they will get down in the mud to help us up. Just love them. Lay down your life. Every day, no exceptions. Because it is good, it brings glory to God. And it is beautiful.
I believed I knew the cost of giving my life to Christ, that I understood how to lay down my life for my friends...turns out, I had no idea. Several weeks ago, God asked me to do the one thing I had promised myself I never would and with tears of frustration and pain running down my face, I asked my roommate Ally how much more he was going to ask of me, how much of me was me going to take? Her response? "All of it." She was right (she always is). Every day, he asks me to lay down my life. A little more of my pride, more of my selfishness, more of my trust. He wants it all and i'm slowly giving ground. But I do not give it easily or with a purity of heart or willingness of spirit.
I am selfish and independent to a fault. This makes following Christ difficult. It creates war in my soul. I give up a little bit more of myself each day, but not until i've fought for it. I fight because it hurts to let go of my pride and my selfishness and my independence. But I must. I have to lay down my life because it is right, because it is good. I do not want to, but Jesus said it does not matter. Do it anyway. The last few days He has clearly (and repeatedly) told me, "Just be okay with it" I don't have to like it, but I have to accept it, to be okay with it.
Jesus said, My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command....You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other. (john 15:12-14, 16&17)
Did you catch that? He said it twice: Love each other. He didn't say to love because we'd be loved in return, he didn't say to lay our lives down for our friends because they would do the same for us. There is no promise that the loving will be easy or fun or instantly gratifying. Jesus commands us to love. because He chose us and appointed us to love in His name. So maybe it's alright if I don't want to, so long as I do as he commands. Maybe it's alright if i'm not willing, so long as i'm simply okay with it. Maybe it's about obedience, not about my feelings.
I want to be willing, to love my brothers & sisters when the opportunity arises. But right now, it is often a struggle. Now don't get me wrong, I love to love on my brothers and sisters. Most of the time it is easy. I desire to love them, to encourage them. And they love & encourage me in return. But not always. And this is the lesson I am learning. That I still must chose to love them, even when it does not seem to matter. Even when my choice to be loving towards them is ignored, or misconstrued, or un-accepted, or looked on with suspicion. It is more important to obey than to be loved back.
This is my command: Love each other.
It's not about how you feel, it's about how you choose to act.
We ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
Every day is a choice.
This is my command: Love each other.
What will you choose?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)