Hello everyone! This was going to be my first post about Cambodia and all the steps that have lead to pursuing my internship with Hard Places Community. But I'm going to divert for the moment, because in the last 24 hour I've been blown away. Awed. Overwhelmed. Moved to tears. By the astounding and abundant love of my Jesus. And I can't keep silent.
Last weekend marked the end of a rough week in our house. Between me & my wonderful roommate Ally, we had heads & hearts full of weighty stuff for longer than we could stand. It was pretty miserable for a little while. But as i've heard (and found to be true) nothing in this life lasts. The good & bad alike end. The joy & the sorrow come and go, each in their time and their season.
Yesterday, I hung out with Jesus in one of my favorite wild places (well, as close to a wild place as you can get in Nashville). A few miles of trail & alot of prayers later, I was overwhelmed with the realization that the details and nitty-gritty of my life, the moments of frustration and hurt and confusion aren't worth half the energy I put into agonizing over them. Because no matter how big the struggle appears, Jesus is bigger. And in the end, it's not about me. My life is not my own. So it's not the end of the world if i'm left without answers, if my heart gets broken, if I feel neglected or abandoned by someone i care about. It's not about me. And it's not about whoever done me wrong. It's never about us. Its always Jesus. And his presence, his love, overshadows the worst of my fears, the deepest of my hurts, and the brightest of my joys. With that understanding comes a depth of peace that astounds the mind. I don't get to decide who cherishes me, or who hurts me. I don't get to decide how the story ends. I get to love Jesus and watch the story be written. And it will be a good story, even if I get hurt or disappointed along the way. There will be days (like last week!) when i'm done in, when the struggle is too much and i'll be frustrated and angry. But those are days, not forevers.
And there's something else that popped up on the radar today: God provides. I know, that sounds obvious. But don't you ever catch yourself wondering if he really will? I do. More often than I care to admit. And lately, i've been wondering alot if he would provide and how. And today he showed up in an unexpected way. In a beautiful way. With one fell swoop he provided what I knew I needed and what I didn't know I needed until it was provided.
So that brings me here, to this moment of peace and awe. Of wondering why on earth I have been blessed so deeply, when deserving so little.
"Sometimes, I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed." ~ Mary Oliver
